Creating memorials in loving memory of our pets...

Memorial created 12-28-2016 by
December 28 2005 - December 15 2016

The Wind Beneath My Ears

In loving memory of our Toto who we love so much. Toto will be greatly missed and be in our hearts forever.

"My Heart Will Go On"

Every night in my dreams
I see you, I feel you,
That is how I know you go on

Far across the distance
And spaces between us
You have come to show you go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

Love can touch us one time
And last for a lifetime
And never let go 'til we're gone

Love was when I loved you
One true time I hold to
In my life we'll always go on

Near, far, wherever you are
I believe that the heart does go on
Once more you open the door
And you're here in my heart
And my heart will go on and on

You're here, there's nothing I fear,
And I know that my heart will go on
We'll stay forever this way
You are safe in my heart
And my heart will go on and on.....
Below, are some random remembrances of my sweet little Toto...even though we sometimes called him Big Big.....
He went to bed the same time I did and liked to get up late too
He didn't bark when I came back in....he was just so happy to see me
He had so much personality!!!
He wasn't afraid of thunderstorms
He always listened to me (except) in seizers
He knew the tricks that would get him the most attention i.e. sitting up
He was fantastic in the car!!! It was his favorite thing to do "Road Trip"! Lets Go!!!
He didn't chew stuff, overall a "lite" barker, and sanctioned his peeing to just the "right" spots.
He liked cats & all other dogs even when they would bark at him he would just look the other way
He loved lima beans, brussel sprouts and good french cheese with strawberries
He was so very gentle when he took food from your hand
He would stop when I dropped the leash
He liked to sit on my lap and sunbathe
He loved the wind in his face  
He loved to get up in bed with me and just nestle in....
He would let me lift him "up side down" and carry him around....that takes a lot of trust
He would give me a light tap with his nose on my leg to let me know he needed to go out
He loved to lick my face in the morning and make me laugh!
He protected me....pot smoking, animal under bed, he would let me know when something wasn't right
He LOVED me as much as any animal can!
I will miss not talking to him.....we exchanged all day
I will miss not taking him for walks and putting on his little coats when needed
I will miss him so much as we went through some very hard times together and we both emerged!
I will miss his smell
I will miss  our "talks" on the porch step
I will miss his swagger
I will miss that he is not by my side 24/7
I will miss the way he put his paws on my shoulders, when I was attaching his leash  
I will miss photographing he was so photogenic!
I will miss all his expressions......esp. his smile!
Lastly, I will treasure all the lessons we learned from one another.



You are Safe in My Heart


Toto was a strong, spirited little dog.....a survivor of his past!


I rescued Toto three years ago.....Although I was not aware that he had been a severely abused dog for over nine years (since it was not disclosed to me) but even if they had told me, I still would have rescued him....Shortly after spending a few days with him....he had an epileptic rage seizure. Fortunately, I have a wonderful vet and he determined that he had brain tumors/lesions from being beaten with a cane and numerous other tortures for so many years......and prescribe Phenobarbital.....which was effective "most" of the time...but then there were times it did not help him. Toto wanted so much to be a loving dog.....when the meds were working he was the very BEST but when his brain would could be quite dangerous.  

I was determined to give this little dog as much love as possible. I remember the day I taught him to "kiss" was like seeing a child take it's first step. He seemed so happy that he could do it! He went on to learn so many things....One of the last gestures he learned was to give a "Hug" and of course followed by a big Kiss! Toto had never known love the first nine years of his life but now we had each other.....He was safe.....never to be harmed again.....We were inseparable....From the time we found one another we were never apart for more than a few he went everywhere with me. Now, I will carry him in my heart.....Forever!

One of my friends once said, "Toto was like a little circus dog" as he would sit up and just stare at you. Sometimes he would come to the side of my chair when I was turned toward the computer. I would looked down and find him sitting up....he might have been there for ten min. or so.....just quietly waiting to sit in the chair with me. In the morning he would throw his two paws on the side of the bed to wake me up....this was the "International" sign....that he wanted to get in bed with me...I always complied.....he would snuggle up to me and sleep for hours....then when I showed signs of getting up out of bed, he would do a couple of stretches, waddle over to me, put his paws on my chest and start licking me all over my face.....which would always make me laugh and giggle.....he seemed to love it and so did I.

When I walked Toto, I was frequently asked......what kind of "puppy" he was (even though he was 10/11 or "he looks like a little lamb", (depending on his clip & his tail had been bobbed)....Some people would stare out resturant windows with smiles....pointing at him or make an effort to cross the street just to see him up close, (of course I had to be very careful) but he never showed any aggression on the street and always enjoyed meeting up with his favorite people on his walks. He also liked seeing his other dog friends and yes....even cats. He was Mr. Personality most of the time! 

I look at the images posted on this site and 100's more on my computer and think of all the wonderful times we had.....I worked with him everyday to gain his trust which was followed by his love.....I only wish he could have lived to a ripe old still would have been incredibly sad but having to make "the decision" has filled me with unbearable grief.

He was so very good in so many ways....except when his brain would misfire. Although he had seen several experts in the field of seizers plus there are numerous websites to address seizers but there's nothing that prepares one if you have to euthanize your pet......especially when most of the time he looked so healthy and precious. However, I knew I had to make "the decision"  so that he would not accidentally hurt someone while in a seizer...I kept telling myself it was the responsible action in order to protect others. A few weeks ago I came upon this site, (best to click on this link last as it will take you off of Toto's Memorial)..... When Is It Time to Put Down a Dog Who is Aggressive  ....which was helpful....but nothing takes the pain away when you have to make "the decision." I keep asking myself was there "anything" else, I could have done?

Most of his seizures happened at someone that might happen upon him having one.....probably would think he was a mean aggressive dog but that was not the case at all.....Right after a seizure passed....I would ask him for a kiss....even though it was a little scary and try to redirect his brain by taking him for a walk....It did help him a bit but he was just not himself for the next 12 to 24 hours....Eventually he would return to be my great little dog until he had another one. However, in his last two months they were progressing and his overall mood had really changed....he was even growling at my friends during the daytime and in the last few weeks he was making very agressive attacks towards me...and a couple of times with success......His tumors were growing!...It was heartbreaking as I knew "the decision" would need to be made sooner than no one else would get hurt.
On Thursday morning December 15, 2016 we did all our usual rituals...with me knowing what was about to happen in a couple of hours.....Mornings were his best he was happy and bouncy.....I took him to his favorite park.....for a very long walk and then we took the dreaded drive to the vets.....He died with dignity in his little bed and in a peaceful setting......After he passed....I pick him up and just held him for a very long time....I can still feel the warmth of his little body.....That memory will be with me for the rest of my life... God Bless My Little Toto....He will be Forever Safe in My Heart! 


Please know that my heart goes out to all of you who have lost a pet(s) Everything in life is temporary.....If only the loving parts could last forever....God Bless You and Your Beloved Pets!


A condolance from Toto's Vet who knew him best..... 
Dear Barbara,
I was sorry to hear of Toto's passing.You worked
so hard with him for such a long time. You gave him
a chance that not many would have. I am sure that
he knew you loved him dearly and every action that
happened did not mean he had a malicious bone in
his body. There are characters and he is one that will
remain etched in all our memories forever.
David N. Rosenberg

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It's almost my turn!
You make me laugh!
You look funny too!
I love a good joke!
I never remember which end is suppose to be elevated.

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